Is Dany Heatley Right for the Leafs?

Dany Heatley was placed on waivers by Anaheim today.  Given that the Blue Team has had a historical penchant for signing players who used to be good - looking in your direction Eric Lindros, Brian Leetch, Phil Housley, Ron Francis and Larry Murphy - he seems like a very good fit for Toronto.

Before any team signs Heatley they NEED to listen first to this disclaimer.

"IS DANY HEATLEY RIGHT FOR YOU?"

Season's Greetings!

My Mumps, My Mumps, My Mumps. Check it out.

With the Blue Team taking on Anaheim this week, I am beside myself with worry that Phil Kessel will be infected with the mumps.  I worry even more that it may go completely undiagnosed.

Oh no he di-in't!

Leaf Goalie Inspired by Mandela, Whoever That Is

I don't expect pro hockey players to know much outside their privileged millionaire bubbles.  Whatever. 

We all have topics we'd look foolish trying to discuss.  For example, I don't know anything about the TV show, Game of Thrones.  But if I went to a Game of Thrones gala, I'd at least learn about the show's basics.  If a TV reporter put a camera on me and asked me to talk about Game of Thrones, I would politely decline or at least fake a heart attack.  As a last resort, I'd admit I knew nothing.

I certainly wouldn't try to wing it and shovel bullcrap everywhere.

That's how Leafs' goalie Jonathan Bernier played it Friday night.  Bernier was invited to a fundraiser that honoured Nelson Mandela on the one year anniversary of his death.  Bernier showered, put on his best Leaf-coloured suit and slicked back his greasy Sam Smith haircut.  But never once did it occur to him to find out who Nelson Mandela actually is.

So he tried to B.S. his way out of it with hilarious results.



I bet Bernier still cherishes Mandela's rookie card to this day.

They'll Have a Blue Christmas

With Christmas a couple of weeks away, the Blue Team has begun sending out their Christmas cards. Here's Dion and Phil sending out their best wishes for the yuletide season in a portrait that can't possibly be photo shopped.

Tucker and Alfie Sittin' in a Tree...

With Daniel Alfredsson ready to retire here in Ottawa next week, it brought up many great Alfie memories.  Darcy Tucker doesn't have particularly good memories of #11.  He tweeted this out yesterday:

Guess I should book my trip to Ottawa December 4th.  I'm sure Alfie would want me there on the big day #waitingbythephone.
— Darcy Tucker (@16DarcyTucker) November 26, 2014

Tucker's most famous run-in with Alfredsson was this attempt to draw a penalty during a playoff game vs Ottawa.  Like a car putting on the brakes on the Queensway, Tucker stopped short on Alfredsson in hopes of protecting the puck along the boards.  Alfie had no time to stop, bumping into Tucker.  Tucker took advantage of the bump, lunging into the boards, trying to make the bump look like a vicious hit from behind, worthy of ejection.  Good try.

Fans in Toronto were livid about the situation, particularly because Alfie scored the game winning goal immediately afterward.  I'm not sure how the announcers though it could be Tomas Kaberle.  That whole thing had Darcy Tucker written all over it.

Here's video of the incident. I apologize for all the laughter it contains.  I assure you.  Never in a million years would I intentionally not edit this video.

Leafs Get Back to Saluting - Half-Assed Style

Salute-gate is apparently over in Toronto.  After a win over Detroit last night MOST of the Leaf players tried to calm the waters by suddenly restoring their post game salute.  Kinda.  It was a fairly weak attempt at an apology for snubbing the fans after their last victory.

This is how it came off:  "Bah!  Fine!  Here's your stupid salute back!  You people happy now??!!  But know this!  We are NOT skating to centre ice anymore!!!   HOW DO YA LIKE THEM APPLES??!!  HA!"

It's hilarious.  A group of multi-millionaires playing for a team that hasn't won in 47 years having the nerve to try and "punish" the fans, even in this small way, by denying them a traditional gesture.  And even when they tried to restore the thank you gesture last night, they refused to do it properly, because they're still being pissy.

Leafs Fans Hurt Players' Feelings

After losing two home games this week by a collective 15-4 score, the Blue Team heard it from their fans.  They watched sadly as fans threw Leaf jerseys on the ice in disgust.  They also heard the booing and chants of, "Let's go, Raptors!"

So, after beating Tampa Bay Thursday night, the players got even.  Instead of their usual stick-in-the-air salute to the fans, they snubbed them.  If those fans won't celebrate the team throwing up on itself, then they don't get to celebrate the good times. The players congratulated each other then skated off quietly.

Here's video of the Blue Team making their sulk-tastic exit to an awaiting waaaaambulance.

http://www.tsn.ca/video/th2n-maple-leafs-forgo-fan-salute-after-win-1.140722

Tie Domi Seamlessly Works Sponsorship into Analysis

Tie "Microsoft" Domi

Our good pal Dave Naylor had former Leaf Tie Domi on the show yesterday at TSN1050 in Toronto.  It was weird.

Apparently, Domi agreed to come on to talk about Microsoft and was badly distracted when Dave and company threw him a bunch of curve balls and asked him, (GASP!), a bunch of hockey questions!  About the team he used to play for!!

Listen to the super fun awkwardness here.

Blue Team Elimination Watch - Nashville Edition

Hot on the heels of a 6-2 loss to the very awful Buffalo Sabres Saturday night, the Leafs figured to rally Tuesday night against Nashville, traditionally one of the game's lowest scoring teams.

The Preds jumped out to a quick 8-0 lead and held on to beat the Leafs 9-2. Frankly, that's exactly the kind of thing that demands a Blue Team Elimination watch.

Let's do this thing. (AUDIO).

Welcome!

Welcome to the Blue Team Funhouse, my new online warehouse for all things that poke fun at the Leafs.  This is where the infamous Blue Team Elimination Watch will live.  The parody songs, past and present, will be here, along with other production from the show.  I'll also drop in to blog from time to time.

We begin by revelling in the Blue Team's magical 9-2 HOME loss to Nashville last night.